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deviation in storage by Edwardwolfie3

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I’ve wished I could walked away from myself.
Some days I could fill a village
with my imperfections,
some days I am trapped down a well.
Some days the bottle-green night
covers me as I stalk the campground like an animal.

But maybe I am an animal
and maybe I am not myself,
maybe there is someone else in my body, at night,
building a village.
I am not well,
I think, holding up my imperfections,

comparing them to yesterdays’ imperfections,
and tomorrow’s. All the animal
instincts that I threw down the well,
devouring me, through myself.
I cannot stay in this village
at night –

not tonight,
not within these walls and their imperfections.
Why is the world a village,
why is hope an animal?
I can only ask myself,
shout it down into the well.

I look down into the well –
in the water, blacker than night,
is my face, staring back at myself.
The moon also has my imperfections
under her pockmarked, animal
skin. The village

is empty. I searched it twice over, but the village
has no moon and no men, only a well
where strange animals
come to spend the night.
The world took my imperfections
and left me with myself.

On the grand scale of things, I myself am an imperfection.
An animal has stolen the moon from the village,
the water from the well, and the darkness from the night.
The Village and the Well, a Sestina
First draft. Credits to my friend Adriana who sent me a sestina she wrote using these same end words, which I totally stole. 
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Today again,
bleeding fingers
and empty hands.

Oh, the ungrateful thing!
The battered green couch,
soft fabric stained with clumps
of dirt-grey hair, torn cushions,
scratched feet –

the overturned bowls
on the kitchen floor –

the open window
and the empty flat.

Oh, the silence...!
this unrequited love
Needs work, definitely. Sigh. Written for the Writers-Workshop 's "Dr. Williams" workshop: "Williams summed up the importance of concrete language in a phrase he repeated often in his work: "No ideas but in things." This workshop is all about writing concrete, clear, and striking poetry."
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I've been a deviant since April 11, 2008. It's been six years. SIX YEARS?!! I can barely believe it, to be honest. It doesn't really feet that long. Although I have noticed, sadly, that a lot of people I follow have become more or less silent on dA, whether it is because they have stopped art-ing or because they have simply switched to other sites. I've always been on dA but it's been "on and off", with long stretches of inactivity (I've always checked it at least once a week but sometimes that was only to look at a few deviations and clean up my inbox and then leave). 

I was cleaning up my gallery a few days ago, removing all sorts of stuff from the "Featured" gallery, so this will be easy. Five poems that show my evolution as a writer! (Because the pictures are fun but I don't actually see that as my "art" anymore.)

 


One of my first poems posted on dA. This is actually from 2006, before I joined dA, back when I found it easier to write in French than in English. Not sure I could actually write something like this now, anymore. I guess I still like this one a lot because it's still one of my best poems in French, since I switched to English not too long after. The theme is a little bit orientalist but whatever, I was traveling in (I think) Vietnam at the time, so. 



This was my favorite poem for a long time. Also, the beginning of a whole slew of poems about war and death and urgh, depressing stuff. I was doing IB and there were war poems in English class and a lot of depressing movies in History class, so...



This was me trying out prosetry and a more informal writing tone, after finding deviant hush-lullaby and absolutely loving her writing to pieces. I kept some of the freer rhythm in my later poetry but I could never stick to the more speech-like tone. I think this is also the period when I started using less capital letters in my poems though I guess that didn't happen in this one. 



So, I guess between 2010 and 2012, I didn't really write that much. Nothing I really like anyway.  In 2010, I finished high school, so I was first busy with exams and then with settling into university. I was adjusting to living on campus, and doing university work. Then, spring of 2012, I went to Seoul for a semester of exchange and got a little bit more free time. Not that much inspiration though...



2013-2014, I've been writing a lot more. Part of it is that I became closer to some friends who are also into writing and that spurred me on. I did a few challenges, played around with forms and prompts. Part of it is also that I had to write a lot of important, long school works and I hate doing that, and writing poetry was the perfect form of procrastination. This last semester, spring 2014, I took a creative writing seminar and my style changed significantly as a result. There may be a teensy bit more of an American influence (although not too much.) I also started being a bit more serious about writing and revising.

Here's a bonus sixth poem, my favorite from this semester.

  • Mood: Wow!
bulletproof. fairground.
the world is waiting for you,
forget to dodge it.
 
1. in the fog, the eye sees further than we understand. the body changes,
advances, relentless, cannot be stopped though the mind refuses, rejects.
the fingers, the elbow, the feet, in every instant, already tracing the future.
 
2. we try to carve a moment of silence
(looking out at the roaring sea)
 
3. a) you brought me here and
       I count the hours
    b) until we must part
 
4. some trees
grow on rocks in the sea,
their roots exposed to the salty wind.
rocks peel like rotting wood, dead skin
melting into sand. we are snakes
guarding our shedding places.
 
5. imagined stillness, premeditated interruption of our time.
our pencils scratch at the truth but time is inexorable,
invisible, like the wind buffeting this island, and we forget
only until it catches in our sails.
 
6. lie down. (let’s pretend) the world is waiting for us.
let your hair get caught on tree bark and your skin
scrape against the rocks, and your nails bend, silent,
and break, and grow.
the world is waiting for you
The haiku was a going away present of sorts, which my friend wrote for me as we were hanging out for one last time. I'm not sure what it means but I love it, so I incorporated it with what I was writing at the same time. Long story short we were on a private-club-owned island. Oh, Connecticut.

Questions:
1. Is the poem and the subject matter easily understandable?
2. Does the haiku at the beginning add or retract from the poem? Is it confusing?
3. I'm not really sure about the order of the stanzas. What do you think?

My critique for the Written Revolution: comments.deviantart.com/1/4589… on Royplayer89 's poem.
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I've been a deviant since April 11, 2008. It's been six years. SIX YEARS?!! I can barely believe it, to be honest. It doesn't really feet that long. Although I have noticed, sadly, that a lot of people I follow have become more or less silent on dA, whether it is because they have stopped art-ing or because they have simply switched to other sites. I've always been on dA but it's been "on and off", with long stretches of inactivity (I've always checked it at least once a week but sometimes that was only to look at a few deviations and clean up my inbox and then leave). 

I was cleaning up my gallery a few days ago, removing all sorts of stuff from the "Featured" gallery, so this will be easy. Five poems that show my evolution as a writer! (Because the pictures are fun but I don't actually see that as my "art" anymore.)

 


One of my first poems posted on dA. This is actually from 2006, before I joined dA, back when I found it easier to write in French than in English. Not sure I could actually write something like this now, anymore. I guess I still like this one a lot because it's still one of my best poems in French, since I switched to English not too long after. The theme is a little bit orientalist but whatever, I was traveling in (I think) Vietnam at the time, so. 



This was my favorite poem for a long time. Also, the beginning of a whole slew of poems about war and death and urgh, depressing stuff. I was doing IB and there were war poems in English class and a lot of depressing movies in History class, so...



This was me trying out prosetry and a more informal writing tone, after finding deviant hush-lullaby and absolutely loving her writing to pieces. I kept some of the freer rhythm in my later poetry but I could never stick to the more speech-like tone. I think this is also the period when I started using less capital letters in my poems though I guess that didn't happen in this one. 



So, I guess between 2010 and 2012, I didn't really write that much. Nothing I really like anyway.  In 2010, I finished high school, so I was first busy with exams and then with settling into university. I was adjusting to living on campus, and doing university work. Then, spring of 2012, I went to Seoul for a semester of exchange and got a little bit more free time. Not that much inspiration though...



2013-2014, I've been writing a lot more. Part of it is that I became closer to some friends who are also into writing and that spurred me on. I did a few challenges, played around with forms and prompts. Part of it is also that I had to write a lot of important, long school works and I hate doing that, and writing poetry was the perfect form of procrastination. This last semester, spring 2014, I took a creative writing seminar and my style changed significantly as a result. There may be a teensy bit more of an American influence (although not too much.) I also started being a bit more serious about writing and revising.

Here's a bonus sixth poem, my favorite from this semester.

  • Mood: Wow!

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Arthisa
Anne-Claire
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
France
.o0- Esprit de Lumière et Poète Extraordinaire -0o.
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:iconvfreie:
VFreie Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014
Thank you for joining :iconthewrittenrevolution:, we're delighted to have you with us. Welcome to the revolution. I salute you!

We're quite a busy group. We regularly post prompts and publishing opportunities for our members to try. Don't forget to drop into the Written Revolution chat room as well!

And feel free to add us on Facebook and Twitter. I am a dummy!
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:iconpolitemaniac:
politemaniac Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Ho ho, merci pour le watch! :D
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:iconarthisa:
Arthisa Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
hehe =D
Reply
:iconprettycrazy:
PrettyCrazy Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks for the support!
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:iconarthisa:
Arthisa Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome! Thank you for writing! :heart:
Reply
:iconhavetales-willtell:
HaveTales-WillTell Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Professional Writer
8-) Thank you for adding Religion Free DVD Player to your :+fav:'s.
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:iconsilenced-echo:
silenced-echo Featured By Owner May 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thou art tagged, muhaha ! [link]
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:iconarthisa:
Arthisa Featured By Owner May 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
bleh. =3
little poem coming soon! because I love how productive you are these days! (and because my papers are due in two days and you know, procrastination.)
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:iconsilenced-echo:
silenced-echo Featured By Owner May 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Ya, I'm productive because of procrastination too XD
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:iconarthisa:
Arthisa Featured By Owner May 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
=D
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